Exhibit this, page 280 on the pdf. Now, I know as well as you that looking through legal transcripts is generally boring as hell. Thankfully, in this case, a budding film director has turned the court transcripts into a short film. Word for word … verbatim if you like. The script was ‘written’ by two lawyers, arguing during a deposition. All because the defense lawyer had, clearly, instructed his client to be as recalcitrant and unforthcoming as possible. So here’s the short film.
This went right past being merely pedantic, into full on ridiculous. Everyone there knew it, you know, I know it, the judge damn well knew it. But this is legal, this is the legal system. In action. In all its glory. These guys, these lawyers, get paid to draw and drag even the simplest, most conversational notion, out and out and out to the smallest possible detail.
Why do people hate lawyers? Shit like this. It’s not rocket science, computer science, any kind of science. It’s the art of dicing and grating language down to the smallest possible elements — while generally still using big words — until everyone involved wants to round up elementary school teachers and start executing them because it must be the school system’s fault if conversations such as these can be taking place between people who have college degrees. And it just wouldn’t be fair to blame the colleges; they’re just in it for the money. The public school system, though, is actually supposed to be providing a base layer of education for the entirety of our society. To ensure everyone’s on the same page.
And this just isn’t an isolated example; it’s just one that’s been turned into an easily digestible short film so it’s more fun to laugh at while watching.
This is why people hate lawyers. Because they’re allowed, encouraged, to charge hundreds of dollars an hour to have conversations that would get a five-year-old slapped by his or her parents and sent to bed without supper. All day, every day, day after day.